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The Warp

Schoolgirl scandal

The Schoolgirl Scandal of Mucky Farm

All seemed quiet down at Manor Farm

Outside snow drifted quietly and fluffily into crevices

Edging round the stones with its gentle caress

Snow covered animals mooed baaed and neighed

But inside in a secluded hayloft

Things were not quiet at all as ...

Thirteen schoolgirl Lolitas were selling their bodies to Grandads

And this squalid sex ring when it all came out

Shocked even experienced police officers

To hear that girls so young and

For as little as one hot dog for masturbation

Or a giant cornet, three sarsparilla lollipops and a

neopolitan split with nut chippings

for ‘featherbed treatment’

Were peddling their tender sex to elderly men.

The Judge, Mr Arthur Charles de Van Poer Chenevix Tench,

Had trenchant things to say when the thirteen curvaceous

Schoolgirls romping high breasted lively came before him in court.

To hear of their indulging in what His Worship called

Such an Unusual form of Away from Home work’.

Even journalists, wise and liberal men who’ve seen it all

In many and various parts of the globe

Africa, South America, the Far East even, Aden,

Could hardly put their fingers down straight

On the keys of their typewriters ...

As there flashed through their minds

the hardhitting no nonsense phrase the next day

was to sum it all up;


So now for a line-up of the young ladies in the case,

from Gloria Toiletry our Tellyfun and showfunbiz editor.

Gloria’s outfit for today is shimmering seethrough toile

in puce and grise.

First, Ivette.

Ivette looks chic enough for a sheik, let alone a silly old farmer.

Ivette is wearing black silky lace-trimmed harem panties

and a lace-trimmed jacket at £6.95 a set

available in sizes from 10 to 16, assorted colours,

from Dremegale,

they’re just the outfit to bring a touch of that

old black magic to those long winter nights in the hayloft

and sure to set her partners pulses soaring.

And second, Juliette.

Juliette is wearing a slashed neck peachy babydoll

nightie from Dorothy Perkins (also available in blue, turquoise and cerise).

At £5.99 it’s certainly a snip that’s calculated to create plenty of pillow talk and wideawake admiring glances, even from silly old unemployed farm labourers

Even when he’s sleepy, Juliette’s partner isn’t likely to get tired easily

and that should turn his thoughts away from VAT and dung.

And now Loretta.

Loretta is wearing a dusky pink

Satiny romper suit with jacket to match

at £12.99 a set, also available in jade from Topshop

if you’d like to claim your share of the action

go and get one now!

The Grandads were shown what were described as

naughty books to arouse them, the court heard.

While, in a pigsty, the girls waited

Around for their turn to bounce around in the hay

with Jeremiah Stogett et Al – his brother Al.

Nor was the sexual act the only thing

that could be bought at Mucky Farm.

The schoolgirls also posed in their erotic

nightgear for kinky photographic sessions

with no film in the camera!

Uncovered in January at Framley, near Blogstable,

This sleazy sordid sex ring prompted His Worship

To speak of the many persistent and long standing

fallacies which he felt were rife in these areas

and which should and must be cut down to size and

of the vital importance of keeping us, the public,

constantly reminded that we are daily in danger

of being overwhelmed by an ocean of filth.

Right at the centre of it all, the court was told,

Was burly Jeremiah Stoggett (71) farmer and seed merchant

The schoolgirls took it in turns to fondle him

and turn him on

Then there was partly blind agricultural labourer

David Tupsley (64) of Stillview Cottages, Eastleigh.

He cooked the girls beefburgers in exchange for cuddles

But barred some of them because he found

Their ffing and blinding offensive

and taught them to sing hymns,

himself playing harmonium in Ivington Mission Chapel.

Another man, a disabled miner, Donald Ackers (54)

was first approached outside a supermarket.

Sex games followed in a wood and in a barn at his home,

Tump Farm, Hillside, the court heard.

Butcher Jack Hobbes (65) of Darnleigh Villas, Exleigh,

was also blatantly approached and asked if he would

pay for sex.

After that he left notes pinned to joints outside the

butchers, containing love assignments for the girls.

Al Stoggett, also partly disabled after a mining disaster

was also named and so also was

Pam-Davis (78) an epileptic, mentally subnormal, born

with only three fingers on one hand, the court was told.

Sir Denis Bloxham, Bart, (56) completed the squalid eight.

He has difficulty in walking and remembering who he was

said the Judge, His Worship Arthur Charles de Van Poer

Chenevix Tench, summing up.

He did obscene drawings of the schoolgirls

On House of Lords notepaper

But, he claimed, everyone who knew him

would vouch for it that he was really just a very pleasant

nice old chap.

The elderly eight, whom pressmen dubbed

the mucky monsters of Manor Marsh

pleaded guilty to a total of

four thousand and twenty-six cases of unlawful

intercourse and indecent assault.

And the Judge, Mr Arthur Charles de Van Poer Chenevix Tench

told them;

I am not surprised that you have been reviled

and shunned by all right minded respectable people.’

One’s first reaction,’ said the Judge, ‘is to send

them all to prison, every girl Jack of them.

And I expect that is where most of you expect to go

But, he added, in handing out a swingeing

six month suspended sentence all round,

I’m going to take a more lenient course.

Take me take me oh take me to Mucky Farm.’

Becky Davis, our fashion editor, adds;

Girls used their pocket money to buy make-up and

accessories and in general

were carefully got up,

eyes darkened with eye shadow in

the Dreambridge range of make-up

Peluce, Seduce, Rubarella and Delice predominating.

Shoulders and breasts liberally dashed with oo la la.

Three of them wore naughty Jokey Spanish fleur

picture lace drenched in la odeur de ferme

jock straps

To teaze the men again and yet again ... poor chaps!


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